


A Balanced Soul

by Cumbersmaug



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Badass Reader, Canon Typical Violence, Christ, Crylo Ren, Domestic garbage, F/M, Fanboy Snoke, Fluff, Force Bond, Military, POWERFUL REATAN, Phasma and rea-tan become super besties, Smut, So much smut, Soul Bond, Soulmates, Souls, Sweet babe just needs some love, Truly the most domestic garbage with poor bby Kylo, drunken-ness with phasma, force sensitive reader, just all the fun, more tags to come probably, non-descript skin color, so much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2018-07-28 22:31:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7659397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cumbersmaug/pseuds/Cumbersmaug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snoke had found you in the underground, fighting your way to becoming the ultimate fighter. Your raw power and strength was something he wanted to cultivate, the fact that you had untapped Force potential and a balanced soul only made him want you more.</p>
<p>You were brought into the First Order hoping to aid in balancing the galaxy, you were more than pleased about how a certain Commander came to be a part of your life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Fight that Started it All

You were young. You were powerful, and the lot of the people on the base respected you. Just like he did.

 

 

~

 

 

Almost everyone on the base, whichever you were on at the moment, would make a point to come watch one of your training sessions. You had always been used to fighting for a crowd, this was no different.

 

 

The poor idiot who had challenged you today was just that, a poor idiot. You almost held sympathy for the man… almost. You had a predilection for using classic weaponry against your opponent’s, enjoying the pride that came with being skillful with any weapon. Today, you had your battle axe, heavy and dangerously sharp to the point it would cut through any type of armor that dared challenge you. The poor idiot picked to challenge you on the wrong day, _maybe_ with a blaster, he had a chance, but not with your axe.

 

 

You spun the weapon in hand, sizing him up. He had height as an advantage for sure, but you had him in strength and speed. You tossed the weapon into the air, not expecting him to become distracted so easily, yet you already had a wide opening. You caught your axe and began to move fast, it seemed you suddenly appeared in front of him, your movement with your axe was just as fast. When you stepped away you watched him come forward, bit by bit his armor and part of his clothes falling away. You hadn’t left a single mark on his skin.

 

 

As he stared at you in horror, you watched in amusement as his helmet finally fell off, it sliced in two, right down the middle. Your audience was silent, your opponent terrified, yet all you could do was laugh. It wasn’t dark, or malicious in any way, just amused by the look of horror.

 

 

“Hey, you should see me with a dagger, then I’m really fast.” you smirked out. The man shook his head out of his horror, falling to his knees before you.

 

 

“I’m sorry I challenged you, Sergeant Major L/n, I thought I could at least last longer than the last one.” He bowed his head in shame.

 

 

You let out a chuckle, holding out your hand. “To your credit, you got me on battle axe day, not very many people last longer than 45 seconds with me on battle axe day, and you at least lasted 50.” You winked at the man as he took your offered hand, you were pulling him up out of his shock. Your audience had fallen into chuckles. This was merely your opening act. Normally Captain Phasma would challenge you, or maybe even General Hux, but something different happened today. Kylo Ren decided to try his hand at the most legendary fighter of the First Order. Your audience quieted as the man in black stepped forward. You could feel his eyes on you and they were intrigued. You felt it best to let him be the first to speak.

 

 

“How long do you think I will last?” You rose a brow in amusement, even more so when he grabbed his weapon and flung it to the other side of the room. You grinned, throwing your battle axe with such ease and precision, it embedded within the wall with a slicing noise, right next to your previous challenger’s head.

 

 

“That depends, are you going to use the force in our fight, or are we merely going to use our bodies, Commander?” You settled your hands onto your hips, head quirked to the side in fascination of the man before you.

 

 

“I will not.”

 

 

“I have no idea, having only seen you battle with your body and your light saber, we’ll just have to find out, won’t we?” You couldn’t see beyond that damn mask, but you could feel the slight adrenaline rushing through him, you knew because the same was happening within yourself.

 

 

You both stood idly watching, for only a brief moment, sizing each other up, but as soon as he moved, you leapt into the air, completely dodging him. You wrapped your thighs around his neck, trying to use your weight and momentum against him, only feeling those gloved hands rip you from his shoulders. So, he had impressive strength, only slightly stronger than yourself, unless he was holding back for your sake. You crouched low on the floor before bouncing up like a god damn spring and landed a punch hard in the sternum, you heard his breath stutter out before you felt a chest being pressed against yours, your hands and arms locked above you. He was trying to use his height. Everyone always did. It _never_ worked.

 

 

You swung the whole of your body up, leaning to the side and re-placing yourself on top of his shoulders, he once more tried ripping you off, but you knew his strength now, though you felt he did not quite know yours. In a swift rocking motion you had him falling onto his back, you quickly swinging around to keep his neck pinned to the ground with your knees, and your hands locking his onto his chest. You could have sworn you heard General Hux choke out a laugh. However, you knew Lord Ren was not done, you left his legs.

 

 

In a great heave of momentum, and impressive speed, even including your own, he flipped you onto your back, your hair spreading out around you and your body still furled up. Kylo Ren used the whole of his body to keep you furled up, unable to move. You were both panting heavily. He saw respect in your eyes, and he could feel a light pull from you, knowing that you had even the slightest bit of force power in you to read his flood of respect for you. He was not expecting you to push your limbs out, causing him to momentarily lose his balance and land his cowl between your breasts.

 

 

You gripped his shoulders and rolled on top of him, your knees holding his upper body in place while your hands held his thighs. Never one to be out done, you felt something wrapping around your leg, in your moment of distraction, you were once more pinned to the ground, as soon as you realized, you were kind of impressed.

 

 

“You cheated.” you panted out.

 

 

“I didn’t use the force at all for the fight.” You rose a brow. “You allowed yourself to be distracted.” You conceded before him. He was right. Your head fell back onto the mat.

 

 

“I haven’t been beat in three years, congratulations Commander.” you smiled out.

 

 

He quickly removed himself from you, nodding at you in approval you felt, and then was gone. You pushed yourself back up with a grin. That had been the most exciting fight you had had in long while. Though you had no idea what you had sparked in the man. He felt the need to beat you, honestly. And he would try, though if he was honest with himself he knew there was more he felt. The peace that overtook him during that fight was something he was going to chase.

 

 

~

 

 

News spread quickly through the Star Killer base that you had almost defeated Kylo Ren, news also spread that you had truly been the one to win, Kylo tricked you somehow using the Force. You shook your head whenever anyone tried to talk to you about it. You did your best to focus on your troops, your elite group of fighters that you were cultivating to be the best First Order soldiers. Storm troopers were great, but had poor aim, except for Captain Phasma’s personal group. She had trained them personally and they were most competent.

 

 

Still. You had your elites trained with a variety of weapons, hand to hand combat, and several different fighting styles. Your fighter’s looked to you with such respect and admiration, all of your peers, underlings and over seers did. But, all you cared about was the fight. The _act_.

 

 

Perhaps one day, you would care for more, but right now all you needed was your training sessions, and your audience.


	2. And so It Began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It intrigued you that, Matt, The Radar Technician, had the same aura as Kylo Ren. Naturally, you invite him in for tea to investigate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the sweet reveiws and kudos, lovely readers. I appreciate them! Have some fluff with the beginning spirals of plot!

He was looking for that gods forsaken general. He just received a bit of news, a slight change of plans from the Supreme Leader. Normally, his hatred of the man he was searching for blinded him from any of the meaningless drivel that fell from the mouths around him, yet now he found himself angry for another reason, a very different reason.

 

 

Some low ranking officers were gathered around the viewing bay of the training areas. They were talking about _you_. About how it must feel to be in… in bed with someone so powerful, to have your powerful thighs wrapped around their waists, or their heads. Even to have you put them in their place. He was enraged. They hadn’t noticed him until he was right behind them.

 

 

He himself was staring down at you for a moment, your ever wild hair flipping about as you were training your elites. Your last group had been transferred to the Supreme Leader. Kylo briefly remembered Snoke being immensely pleased with his new guards, your men and women. The three of the men that had finally silenced themselves were flung to opposite ends of the room.

 

 

No one had the right to think of you like that, let alone talk about you in such a manner. Though as he thought about it, he too wondered what it would be like to have your thighs wrapped around him again…

 

 

~

 

 

You blinked at the man in front of you. He was… incredibly cute, very tall, very blond, and pretty socially inept. He also gave off the same aura as Kylo Ren did. You rose your brows in amusement. There must have been a spy on board or something, some type of secret mission requiring this of him. Supreme Leader must have demanded this. You shook your head as you looked at the man.

 

 

Feeling eyes on him he turned and saw you staring at him unabashed. He felt so vulnerable like this. A blush rose to his face. He saw you smirk and wink at him. This only caused his blush to further. He nervously made his way towards you, sitting down next to you awkwardly. He must have felt so out of place, you thought.

 

 

“Matt, right?” He nodded, very shy. He felt so dumb. “I’m Y/n.” You were smiling so kindly towards him, and not the smile you wore in battle or while training, it’s like you found his nerves endearing. He couldn’t help himself.

 

 

“I heard Kylo Ren really likes you.” Well, you weren’t expecting that, but you smiled none the less. He sputtered for a moment before correcting himself. “I mean… he uh, he likes how you fight. Kylo Ren _admires_ you.” The man nodded, as if he wasn’t shouting just a moment ago. You fought back your chuckle.

 

 

“I really admire him as well.” The man next to you stilled, his eyes widening a fraction, urging you to go on. “I think he’s an incredible leader and source of power and strength for the First Order. I understand sometimes he gets frustrated, but regardless, I know he works tirelessly for the order and for Supreme Leader. I really like him too.” you finished, your eyes softening as you looked at this man who had no idea what to do with his happiness, though you could feel it radiating off of him in waves. “Matt, would you mind walking me to my chambers?” It truly was a request, not a command. Even as Kylo Ren, he would have said yes, but as Matt, he merely stood nervously, shyly nodding. “Thank you.”

 

 

“Thank you, Sergeant Major L/n.” He bowed his head to you as he led you from one of the common break rooms.

 

 

He felt so… happy that one of the people he respected most in the Order, felt the same. You held no apprehension or fear of the man, he could feel it in you, you feared no one. It was incredibly admirable, perhaps stupid in some cases, yet he found being in your presence so relieving. He didn’t notice that he himself had punched in the codes to your door, but you said nothing, he didn’t even think about it, though you caught it, gentle smile ever present.

 

 

“Matt, you can come in if you’d like.” He paused, did you often invite radar technicians into your private rooms? “I just want to have a word with you.” He suddenly felt nervous again. Were you going to reprimand him for not knowing what a calcinator was? He nodded and awkwardly side stepped into the rooms. “Would you like some tea, or coffee, or would you like something cold?”

 

 

“Tea?”

 

 

“Alright.” He awkwardly sat on your bright yellow couch, looking around at was probably the cheeriest room on the entire base. He wondered if all of your rooms were decorated the same. Feeling strangely at peace, he found he had been lost in his thoughts, as you finally set down the warm mug in front of him. He picked it up, pleased at the warmth seeping into his skin and took a sip, happily surprised that you had put honey in his drink. “Are you comfortable?” He nodded, sinking a bit deeper into your couch.

 

 

“Have people been giving you a rough time as Matt?” He found himself nodding, so comfortable in your presence. He wasn’t even this comfortable in his own chambers.

 

 

“I’m so sorry, Lord Ren, I know working here as a new person isn’t always easy.” He once again found himself nodding. Then it registered. You realized this as he froze with the cup to his lips. He wasn’t angry, strangely enough he felt… disappointed. “Calm yourself, Lord Ren. I know Snoke probably has you on a mission, am I right?” Kylo Ren visibly deflated, nodding and pulling off his wig at the same time.

 

 

“I’m to try and find a spy within the ranks, get close to people, what have you.” he sighed. He was wondering if you only said the things you did because you knew.

 

 

“That’s smart. Let me know if you need assistance. Many of the people in the order seem to be fond of me, especially the new ones.” you smiled, carefully sipping at your own drink. “By the way, I meant everything I said about you.” You saw him relax a bit. “May I sit next to you?” He nodded, not caring. He wondered how many others were able to see through ‘Matt, The Radar Technician’ “May I place my legs over your lap, Commander?” Once again he nodded, lost in thought while he rose his arm for you to place your legs where you so wished. It was only when he realized he was gently stroking his fingers over the soft skin of your calve, that he realized you were kind of on top of him and he hadn’t noticed, or cared.

 

 

This kind of serenity was not something he often had. You were quietly reading when you peeked over your book to look at him. “What’s wrong?”

 

 

“I’m not used to this.” he admitted quietly.

 

 

“Neither am I, but I quite like having you around. You make me feel like there is more to my life than just fighting. I like that.” You were always so candid and honest. How did someone like you come to be part of the First Order?

 

 

“You are so kind for a fighter, yet it does not hinder your ability to fight or kill your opponent.” He was eyeing you curiously, you had set your book down over your stomach and his hand had resumed its ministrations on your leg.

 

 

“I want to restore balance just as you do. My kindness has never been misconstrued as weakness, at least not after someone has come to see one of my personal training sessions. Usually, they are then put back into their place, knowing what true bodily power looks like, and what it feels like to be defeated in front of your peers. I’ve noticed the people that challenge me end up being more proficient fighters in their groups. I am motivation and destruction simultaneously. I believe that’s what Snoke said to me during our last meeting…” Your eyes rose in thought, focused on the memory.

 

 

“You speak to Snoke as well then?”

 

 

“Why else would he have my last batch of elites at his door?” Kylo Ren felt himself smiling just the smallest bit, but he didn’t have the immediate urge to remove his smile.

 

 

“I don’t know how to feel about this. I feel so serene, when normally I’m very torn.”

 

 

“You’re welcome anytime you need a reprieve, sir.”

 

 

“To your quarters, or to you?”

 

 

“Both.”

 

 

And so it began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet precious bby Ren, just let it happen! Let confident proud rea-tan wrap you up in her arms and hold you!
> 
> Have a happy day, readers!


	3. The Man Behind the Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo comes to you for peace, but you're both wondering what is growing in between you.

The first time it happened, Snoke had told him that the person he sent him was disposed of, and that there was another spy in their midst that he had to find. Kylo was going on a rampage. He wasn’t destroying anything, but he was searching for you, ripping through the base to find you, whether he intended to get his aggression out with a fight or to steal you away for peace, he had not decided yet. He found you in a cafeteria. The room immediately fell silent.

 

 

“Sergeant Major, you are needed, _immediately_.” He then turned away and heard your quick soft foot falls behind him. He punched in the numbers to your room before angrily sitting on your couch. You were then more or less pulled on top of him, your thighs now draped over his as him arm supported your back. He was glaring at the painting you had above your hologram projector.

 

 

You quirked your head to the side as you felt his fingers slowly start to trace nonsensical shapes on your thighs, his anger ebbing. You carefully held your hands in your lap, completely aware he was not fond of foreign touch, but you were wondering if it would be inappropriate to take off his mask.

 

 

“Lord Ren?” You saw the slightest nod of recognition. “May I remove your head piece, sir?” Another imperceptible nod. Your hands carefully found the release at the back of his neck, the slight hiss telling you that you had succeeded in removing it. “Permission to touch you, sir?” Another slight nod, this one more hesitant. You gently threaded your fingers into his hair, finding that he moved into the touch, rather than away from it.

 

 

“You don’t need to keep up the formalities here. Call me what you will.” he muttered, that serenity filling him, making him lean into your touch.

 

 

“Kylo,” his name felt odd on your tongue, but lovely none the less, “what happened?” He felt your fingernails gently scrape along his scalp, the feeling was foreign, but very welcomed.

 

 

“I found one of the apparent many spies aboard the base. I need to actually learn how to be a radar technician.” You heard the frustration in his voice, though it only caused you amusement.

 

 

“You’re a very fast learner, Kylo, I’m sure all will be well.” Your fingertips drifted to his neck and shoulder, carefully rubbing circles there.

 

 

“I know you’re mildly force sensitive. If I find out that this is why I feel like this around you, you will be punished.” He heard you snort and realized he had closed his eyes at your touch as he had to open them to look at you.

 

 

“I think you would know if I was doing that. I think I would know if I were. Snoke once told me I had a balanced soul, causing those around me to feel calm. But I think it is for this reason you often watched and watch me train, correct? This, peace?” Your fingers slipped under his chin, carefully making him face you. Your eyes were, gentle, inquisitive.

 

 

“I believe so.”

 

 

“Am I to be punished, Commander?”

 

 

“No, Sergeant Major.” You continued gently touching him until he deemed it reasonable for him to leave, although very reluctantly.

 

 

~

 

 

You heard him before you saw him. There were people flooding from the room, though you felt that room calling to you. You stepped through the threshold, finding most of the room in smoke, wires dangling from the ceiling, and durasteel panels melting as Kylo cut into them. You saw him in the middle of it, breath ragged and uneven. General Hux was watching with boredom etched on his features. When his gaze wandered to you, and you moving closer, he became mildly worried.

 

 

“Commander Ren, may I have a word with you in private, Sir?” His mask snapped onto you and he fled from the room, raising a single hand in motion for you to follow him. Once again, you saw your numbers being punched in as your doors opened. He tossed his helmet onto the floor and pulled you in, slamming down onto your couch with you wrapped in his arms, almost like a pouting child holding his safety blanket.

 

 

You tentatively rose your hand, only to have him place his cheek into your open palm. “Kylo, are you alright?” That question made him freeze. He turned to you slowly, almost as if he was in disbelief. He had destroyed another command room, tore it to shreds as people _literally_ ran away screaming, and you were worried as to if he had hurt himself in the encounter. “Are you alright, Sir?” Your thumb stroked across the bone of his cheek, your brows drew together in concern.

 

 

“I’m alright.” he murmured. He saw that gentle smile stretch across your lips.

 

 

“Was it the General who upset you?” He nodded lightly. You hmm’d in response, once again beginning to thread your fingers through his hair. He let out a sigh of relief through his nose and leaned into the touch you so willingly offered.

 

 

“Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

 

 

“Should I have reason to be?” you asked.

 

 

“Many, but none at the moment.”

 

 

“Precisely.”

 

 

You were one of the fiercest fighter’s he had ever seen or met, and yet you had the most gentle soul. That was the only way to describe it. You had a passionate, yet gentle soul… Balanced. This allowed his dark one to lay into yours like a head to rest on a pillow.

 

 

“You know, some of the men have been asking if there was going to be a rematch, considering some think I won that day, and some think you did.” you mentioned, offhand.

 

 

“You did win.”

 

 

“I am well aware.” He peeked an eye open to see you smirking at him.

 

 

“Stop that.” He watched as you struggled to hide your grin. At least you were trying to follow orders. He didn’t notice he himself was starting to smile at your own attempts to stop.

 

 

“You first.” He rose a hand to cup your cheek, the leather of his glove feeling out of place. He bit the tip of his glove, pulling it off. You quirked your head to the side in that sweet fashion you had. He replaced his hand on your cheek, smoothing his thumb over your skin as you had done for him. He wondered if his skin felt as soft as when you touched him.

 

 

“No.” he muttered. He held you like that for a long while, before he had to leave for a scheduled meeting with Hux. Though he pulled you into his chest before he left his new sanctuary.   

 

 

~

 

 

“Watch, Matt. She is the toughest person aboard the Starkiller right now that Kylo Ren is out on a mission.” The man looked at the nametag on his colleague’s shirt.

 

 

“Yeah, Reginald. Kylo Ren thinks she’s really important in the First Order.” he said in typical awkward Matt fashion. He was dazed as you continued to fight off Captain Phasma with a dagger, whose blade was as large as your small hand, and winning. He watched as your hair, always ever down, swayed and flipped with your leaps and jumps, making critical hit points on Phasma’s person. She had only been able to land one hit on you with the hilt of her blaster, the rest of her shots you were dodging like they were child’s play, though if you were a second too slow, you would have been dead by now. As the minutes wore by, Phasma eyed you with amusement, as parts of her training armor fell off her body.

 

 

The man hadn’t noticed that Reginald had asked him to call him ‘Reggie’ or that he kept prattling on about how you were of the most importance when it came to success as the elite’s you trained always had the most kills and most successful rescue and capture missions.

 

 

“Wow, Matt, it looks like you’re really into watching the Sergeant Major.”

 

 

“She’s incredible.” he muttered.

 

 

“You like her more than you like Kylo Ren?” Reggie watched on in amusement as trouble crossed the young man’s visage.

 

 

“I’m going to challenge her!” Matt shot up and ran down the stairs leading to the training room. You and Phasma were laughing lowly as Kylo Ren in full Matt gear came barreling towards you. Phasma, being one of the higher ups knew full well of the plan taking course with Ren being Matt and found him more tolerable in this awkward technician form. Though you found all sides of him to be more than tolerable.  

 

 

“Sergeant Major L/n!” he was looking at you expectantly and you rose an amused brow.

 

 

“Yes, Matt?”

 

 

“May I challenge you, ma’am?” Both yourself and Phasma were surprised when he bowed lowly to you, though you knew this to be from his admiration of your skills.

 

 

“Of course. Do you wish to be unarmed or armed, Matt?” He stood awkwardly thinking for a moment. This might not have been the best idea. If he won, you looked incompetent, but if he won, Matt would be respected! But Kylo Ren none more… He sighed and looked at your sword. He grabbed it, while you grabbed that incredibly large battle axe.

 

 

“Armed it is.” You nodded to him, as he did to you, then lurched forward. You easily took all the blows with your battle axe. You slid under the space of his legs and swiped, he felt the tear in his uniform. You ducked, missing a blow to your head. You leapt high into the air, missing his charge at you as you quickly worked on slicing through parts of his uniform. You tossed your battle axe with ease back into your personal weapon arsenal, and watched as he stood still, about to strike, when the sleeves, and pant-legs of his uniform fell to the ground in tatters. He blinked at you, still wondering where you had the time.

 

 

“All things considered, Matt, you did rather well.” You smiled at him, leaning against your arsenal.

 

 

“Don’t tell Kylo Ren, but I think I like you more than him.” he said it quietly enough so that only you heard it. You felt a bloom of sadness grow within you. He liked you more than he liked himself, while he was in awe of you, you would forever be in awe of the man behind the mask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KYLO REN NEEDS YOUR SUPPORT AND NEEDS IT NOW DAMN IT SLOW BURN PISSES ME OFF SOMETIMES SO WHAM WE'RE FUCKING DIVING INTO THAT SHIT


	4. Such Comfort in Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren visits you in the night, and you save "Matt" from a growing problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's plot here,also fluffy garbage, have fun.

It was very late one night when you heard your numbers being angrily punched in. You got out of bed quietly when you heard those hard footfalls before the inevitable slam into your couch. His head was in his hands but when he heard you he took off his headpiece and tossed it to the ground, he leant back and was looking to his lap and back to you. 

 

The state of your mostly undress didn’t seem to bother him at the moment as you wrapped an arm around his shoulders and settled into his lap. He gripped your thigh and pulled you flush against him, the rush made you set your other hand on his heaving chest. Those brown eyes were boring into your own, searching for something. After a moment, he sighed in relief, resting his forehead in the crook of your neck. 

 

“Kylo, what’s happening?” You threaded your fingers into that incredibly soft hair once again.

 

“I had a dream you were the spy, and I had to make sure.” You felt his lips moving against your neck and you leaned into him, it felt nice. 

 

“You were in my head.” He nodded tiredly, now smoothing his lips up and down your neck. You craned your head, giving him more access to your skin. In your light night gown, there wasn’t much that wasn’t bared to him, but you could at least make it known you were inviting him. Those lips gently ran across your collar bone, pressing a careful kiss where your neck and shoulder met. “What did you see?”

 

“You’re loyal to the First Order. And you’re loyal to me.” His breath puffed against your skin in lulling waves. But there was something that was bothering him still. “Why were you not in pain while I was in your mind?”

 

“There is only pain when you resist and have walls around your mind. I have none.” He pressed another kiss to your jaw, happy he could finally give you something in return for what you had given him. These ministrations he was doing to your neck were making your body relax much more against him than you normally did. 

 

“You would not resist me?” His lips were at your chin, and you were feeling so delightfully… what were you feeling, whatever it was, it was divine. 

 

“No. I trust you.” You uttered those words with such sincerity, it nearly made him dizzy. You felt his mouth open against the pulse point of your throat, the warmth coming from him made you so sleepy and awake at the same time. You tightened the light grip you had of him on his head, pulling back so you could look at him. His eyes were as tired and as dazed as yours. 

 

You gently pressed your lips to his, warmth flooding you at the motion, and wrapped your arms around his neck. He pressed you tighter to his body as you broke apart, the kiss was gentle and so innocent. 

 

The both of you were the most feared and respected individuals in the First Order, the most intense fighters, and the most enigmatic. Yet here you both were, the two most gentle lovers aboard. Though you both didn’t recognize this quite yet. 

 

Kylo eyed you carefully. He had seen fire in your eyes before, but this was very different. You cared, and you wanted him for who he was, not just when he was with you, even in his fits of rage. His hand gently cupped your cheek, pressing a kiss to your forehead before picking you up in his arms.

 

“Bedroom?” 

 

“On the left.” you murmured tiredly. He nodded, pushing open the door with his boot and laying you out on your blankets. His boots left his feet, as his shirts left his torso. You smiled lazily at him, opening your arms. He fell into you, resting his head over your chest and listening to the strong steady beat of your heart. 

 

When had you become so important in his life? He never flinched away from your touch, nor you from his. You didn’t fear him, yet there had to be some issue. These things didn’t start so easily. You felt a flare of anxiety and fear wash through him, his hands gripping you tighter.

 

“Hush, Ren, it’s alright. There are none that can oppose us, and no issue has arisen yet, quell your thoughts.” He nodded tiredly against you, falling privy to the hand gently rubbing his head. 

 

Truly the pillow the dark could find rest in.

 

~

 

Your elites were training when an alarm in your vicinity went off, the intruder alarm. “Stay where you are.” Your voice was fierce, as fierce as they had ever heard it. You heard a round of ‘Yes, Sergeant Major L/n’. You rushed out into the hallway, seeing a group of rebels holding Matt, the radar technician, with a blaster against his head. 

 

There was a group of other staff also being held captive and looking to you for salvation. Your inquisitive gaze went dark, the fire in your eyes was an inferno, ready to unleash on the first person that dared harm your people. 

 

“You’re the Sergeant Major?” You eyed the man that scoffed at your title, the one that held Matt captive. Kylo watched as your gaze turned violent. 

 

“That’s Sergeant Major L/n. I’ve worked hard for that title, I’ll have it used, properly at that, even by the enemy.” And with that, you were off, moving so fast, all the ones that had been being held at point blank range were now on the ground, safe from fire as you, one by one, knocked each one dead where they stood with the pinch of your fingers on their neck, rupturing their arteries in practiced grace. Not a drop of blood was spilled. 

 

You eyed Matt, motioning with your fingers for him to follow. He raised from the star-struck and terrified group to follow you back to your quarters. You punched in your numbers and motioned to the couch with your eyes. Kylo sat and waited for further instruction. Your chest was heaving in anger and he could feel it rolling off of you. You were just staring at him, then he heard it in your head, why you were so angry. 

 

They had put their hands on him, even if it was just his uniform, they were in close personal space of his, they had put a blaster to his head, and you were livid that they dared touched him when only you had permission. 

 

He nodded and watched as you dropped your coat to the ground, slipped out of your boots and came to sit between his legs, your head nestling into his thigh. You gripped the other in your hand, while his fingers drifted to your head. 

 

This was what you needed. You were so angry someone had dared touch and threaten him, your Commander, your Kylo Ren, though they did not know it. The possession of him he could hear in your thoughts was pleasing to him for some reason. Your eyes looked up at him, pleading, images of you straddling his lap with your face buried in his neck flashed in both your minds. He nodded once more.

 

You crawled into his lap, your thighs snuggly around his own, your body pressed impossibly tight to his, and your head safely buried in his neck. He felt you yank off the wig and toss the glasses aside, causing him to smirk into your hair. 

 

“Why didn’t you do something?” you asked quietly. 

 

“But, Sergeant Major L/n, I’m just Matt, the radar technician.” You broke into a laugh, your breath hitting his neck and your hands gently grasping his chest in your break. You felt his hands slip up and down your back in soothing circles. Your laughter faded, and you nuzzled your nose and mouth against his skin. 

 

“Matt, you know, I really like Kylo Ren.” You pressed your lips to his neck, feeling his heart beat stutter. “If you’re not going to be his biggest fan anymore, let him know that I will be.” You felt his hands smooth down your back to grip at your thighs. 

 

“I’ll let him know. I think he’d like that. Don’t tell him I told you so, but, he’s told me about… your arrangement.” You could feel a flitter of nerves ruffle through him, though he was steadfast in his movement and his words. 

 

“Oh?”

 

“He hopes you know that his quarters are open to you as well, as is his body for all your needs.” You pressed a kiss to the hollow of his throat. You felt a hum of appreciation run through him. 

 

“You let him know, that I know, will you?” You felt him nod. 

 

“There’s one more thing he wants you to know…”

 

“Yes?”

 

“You’re free to use his body in any way you need to… for any of your needs.” His hands slipped as high as they could as he said needs, his thumbs briefly ghosting over the apex of your thighs. He felt your breathing stop momentarily when he did that, though he felt you pressing into his touch. 

 

“I see. Do you know if he needs me the same way?” Your hand slowly slipped up his chest, gently roamed his neck, before your fingertips were tracing the shell of his ear. 

 

“I think he needs you in every way.” His body was alight in all areas you touched him and where your body was against his. 

 

“Do you know when he wants that to begin?”

 

“Whenever it happens naturally, he’s scared he’ll frighten you away.” You raised your head at this. You tangled your hands in his hair and forced him to look at you. Those eyes that burned in rage and had killed about a dozen people just half an hour ago were now a c/l/r lake so calm, a gentle breeze would stir the water. 

 

“Kylo Ren will never frighten me away.” You pressed your lips to his, carefully running your tongue across his bottom lip. One of his hands raised from your thighs to hold the back of your head and press your mouths closer together. The slightest of sounds escaped your throat as you tilted your head to slot your mouth against his, your tongue gently slipping into him. 

 

His head was swimming, his thoughts and body consumed by you, but he had never felt more at peace with himself, than he did at that moment. Both of you were breathing through your noses in order to remain connected. The entirety of the world around you was stopped, the only movement was your mouth against his, and the both of your hands gently rubbing and roaming each other. 

 

It was a moment too tender to be broken by General Hux. He punched in your code and then entered with a “Sergeant Major L/n, it was reported that there was… there was a….” Your legs were straddling Kylo Ren, his arms encasing you to his body and the both of you looked pissed off. 

 

You were still a subordinate in the situation, though you knew he would not move to do anything, verbally or physically while you were wrapped around the Commander.

 

“There was a what, General Hux?” His shut his mouth and continued his check in.

 

“There was a report that a dozen resistance members broke into the facility and held our people captive.”

 

“You’ll find them all outside the training area, the major arteries in their necks ruptured as cause of death.” You could see how your words chilled him slightly, you also felt pride from the man nestled beneath you. “I don’t think this was resistance though, sir. I believe it was a pseudo resistance, possibly something due to the recent spy leak into our facility. There are other groups out there who wish harm to the First Order. Besides, captives aren’t their specialty.” You continued your report by sliding your fingers into Kylo’s hair, his head falling to your chest, deciding it was best to ignore the damn pest the General was. 

 

The General, for the first time in a long time, felt truly uncomfortable. He had just witnessed two of the best, if not the best, murderers on the base connected via their lips, he had never felt true fear until he saw them both glaring at him. He was sure it was your calming motions that kept him alive. Seeing Kylo Ren’s head fall to your chest like that made a pike of confusion and anger go through him. Relationships with subordinates were against the rules, but he would be damned if he was going to let anyone know what he had seen. Was he afraid of Ren doing anything, no. Was he terrified of you rupturing his arteries by a single grasp of his neck, yes. 

 

“Is that all, General Hux?” Kylo Ren was glaring at him from his turned view on your chest, and it was still damn near terrifying as your eyes were filled with malice as they regarded him. 

 

“Yes, Commander Ren.”

 

“Then please leave, Sergeant Major L/n is having her psych evaluation done by me, and you are interrupting.” He opened his mouth to retort when he saw your free hand flinch, fingers breaking through the fabric of your couch and starting to shatter the wooden frame within… with your fingertips. 

 

The General finally understood the terror everyone felt when Kylo Ren was having one of his tantrums, because he thought at that moment, you would have killed him. He rushed from the room.

 

Kylo turned to you, his chin rested on your sternum as he looked at your fingers deep within the arm of your couch. You were frowning at your hand.

 

“I liked this couch.” you muttered, sounding a bit sad. He smiled up at you.

 

“I think the General can replace it. It is his fault.” You smiled down at him, pulling your fingers from your furniture. He noticed that the only thing you had broken was little bits of the arm, your skin had not been broken nor affected at all. 

 

“Did you feel how scared he was?” You tilted your head to the side, lazy in your tone.

 

“It wasn’t of me though, it was of you.” His voice conveyed amusement, though his face settled into a gentle smile. 

 

“It’s because he knows I’ll kill him ten ways to next week should he ever speak of this to anyone. His lips will remain shut on this topic, though he may tease you in private I fear… The General is a dick.” You grinned at seeing Kylo release a laugh from his nose. His smile dropped as soon as yours did, you looked at the door with a frown and tightened your hold on him. “You’re going to have to go Matt, your work needs to be done and I have to get back to my elites.” You nuzzled your head into his neck before kissing him lightly on his lips. 

 

“I’ll let Kylo know you’ll be sleeping in his quarters tonight.” You nodded, a smile flittering back onto your features.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REA-TAN IS SO SCARY I LOVE HER


	5. A night togther and an explanation of power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Staying the night in Kylo Ren's chambers was wonderful, and Kylo Ren makes sure no one disrespects you.

As soon as you approached the door to his quarter’s they opened. You saw that his quarters were impeccably kept, everything was sharp and in black and white compared to your colorful warm rooms. However there was something rather amusing about seeing Kylo wearing a simpler set of black clothing. He had on a black long sleeve shirt with some… seemingly tighter than usual black pants. It was also very amusing to you to see him in his kitchen, wearing an equally black apron tied about his waist, behind his stove. 

 

“Come here, please.” You came to him immediately, wrapping your arms about his waist and nuzzling your head into his back. You could feel him holding something back though.

 

“Say it, it’s alright.” you murmured, standing on the very tips of your toes to mouth it into the top vertebrae between his shoulders. 

 

“Good girl.” he muttered. For some reason that had you humming against his back. It pleased you to hear that specific phrase. 

 

“I like that, and I’m not quite sure why.” You could feel his amusement as you slid your face across his back so you could poke your head through the space his arm and side made. “What are you making, Master Ren?” You felt a wave of satisfaction pulse through him. 

 

“It’s a surprise.” He gave you a side glance, well it was more of a bottom side eye glance considering your position. 

 

“That’s very funny, I also have a surprise for you.” There was pique of interest. He tried to go into your mind, but felt resistance and saw you falter. He stopped immediately and placed his utensils down, cupping your face once his hands were free. You only continued to smile that gentle smile you had.

 

“Are you alright?” His hand swept over your forehead, his eyebrows creased in worry. You caught his hand.

 

“I’m sorry, I just want to keep it a surprise. I should have warned you.” Your fingers slipped up his arm to his neck, your fingertips dancing across the skin there. 

 

“You didn’t answer my question.”

 

“I’m fine, Kylo.”

 

“Good girl.” He saw how your face relaxed and your eyelids fluttered down when he said that. He brushed a hand through your hair, softly smiling to himself as you closed your eyes. He decided using the force to finish cooking was fine. If he could use it to wrap around your thigh in a professional training match, then he could use it to cook you dinner as repayment to his cheating. “I suppose you were right, you really did have nothing to hide.” 

 

“Well, now I do… that kind of hurt. I’m impressed.” He narrowed his eyes at you as you wrapped your arms around his neck, your body stretching across his. 

 

“Kind of?” He saw your smirk curl on your lips. He kept his face neutral, though he was smiling.

 

“You stopped. I’m honored that you did, knowing that you didn’t have to.” You felt his feelings switch from amused to confused, and watched the shift of his facial features. You looked around briefly for a part of empty counter space. You hopped onto the countertop beside the stove and grabbed his hands, bringing him to settle between your legs, your eyes finally level. “I told you from the beginning, my body was yours to use as a reprieve from all that happens around us. I included my mind in that statement, though it was not specified.” His hands gripped your thighs, the pads of his fingers rubbing against the curve of your hips. Your hands were resting on his forearms, your fingers kneading at him. 

 

“I will not push you past your limits.” he muttered. You tilted your head, amusement on your features. “Surely, Matt, the radar technician, told you of this.” Your lips spilt into a grin, your head falling. His fingers caught your chin, forcing you to look at him, he saw the flush of laughter across your cheeks and your bright smile, your eyes twinkling. Beautiful. 

 

“He did.”

 

“…So what do you think about Matt?” You were grinning, for him. He was making you smile.

 

“I think him to be very sweet, eager, a bit awkward, but perfect. Phasma thinks so as well.” You felt his pride fall into shock. The way his face stoned over made you laugh. “Calm yourself. Surely Matt told you that I had become Kylo Ren’s biggest fan.” Your fingers brushed over his temple. 

 

“Don’t change the subject.” His eyes narrowed, though you felt no anger from him. 

 

“We like Matt.”

 

“I’ve made a fool out of myself.” It was a statement. You didn’t think a very true one at that. 

 

“Stop it.” You took hold of his hair, pulling his face close to yours. “You are not a fool.” You brushed your lips against his, feeling those emotions rush out of him to be replaced with the serenity you both found in each other. 

 

“Sergeant Major Y/n L/n.” he muttered when his eyes opened. 

 

“Yes, Sir?”

 

“I like Matt too.” Your grin was back.

 

~

 

After General Hux had found out about yours and the Commander’s relationship, every time Kylo Ren was about to throw a tantrum, he would call you from your duties to handle it, ushering everyone out of the room as you entered, including himself and blocking the area off as well as sealing the door.

 

This time was a bit more disastrous as when you entered, Kylo had his hand up, choking someone with the Force. Hux was looking at the man who was being choked like he was stupid. When Kylo saw you his grip only intensified. He motioned for you to come with his other hand, so you did, standing next to him as you watched the man turn blue. He let the man go for a brief moment, letting him fall to the ground before Kylo Ren picked him up by his lieutenant jacket. 

 

His voice was eerily calm as he commanded, “Say what you said, and look at her.” You tilted your head at this, stepping closer to listen to the man. 

 

“I… I can’t, Sir.” 

 

“That was not a request.” He heard the threat in the Commander’s voice. 

 

“I would like to have major intercourse with the Sergeant Major as her body is a major turn on.” You rose your brows. Well, that was just terrible.

 

“Did anyone laugh?” your voice was level, only mild curiosity peeking through. 

 

“No. Everyone started running away as soon as they saw the Commander coming.” 

 

“No, lieutenant, someone would have laughed if they thought it funny. Your use of humor is poor, as is your choice of words for describing me. My body is a veritable power house that could kill you in more than a thousand efficient ways, 764 torture-death methods, and countless creative ways. And that’s with my body, not my arsenal of weapons. I could split your head from your shoulders… with my fingertips, easily. I could peel the skin from your body and allow you to die a slow painful death. Or I could easily punch you hard enough in the ribs to break several and puncture a lung while rupturing your spleen. Now, knowing all that, would you at least have made a better joke?” The lieutenant was in shock and nearly pissing himself. His eyes were filled with horror as he looked at you. He thought you were insane. Kylo Ren shook him from his thoughts.

 

“I… I think the Sergeant Major is the secret weapon for the First Order, the Starkiller Base has little to no variety in death options.” Your lips split into a grin. 

 

“Hah, that’s funny. I’ll tell Snoke that one. Commander, you may release him.” The lot of them were staring after you in very different ways. Hux was impressed at your calm yet powerful intimidation technique, he was also mildly terrified. The lieutenant was staring after you like you were some crazed Goddess of the First Order, he was also trembling as Kylo Ren had finally dropped him to the ground. Kylo Ren was beaming with pride under his mask and cowl. 

 

That night when you entered his quarters, he was where you normally found him, behind the stove, cooking some type of delicious meal that he wouldn’t tell you the name of until you were done. Though this time you seemed to have really pleased him as when he saw you, he immediately smiled. You could feel pride swell in him at looking at you. You tilted your head to the side as you wrapped your arms around his waist. 

 

“What did I do?” your question was honest, as you always were, but he had to ask,

 

“Did you make any of those statistics up?”

 

“No.” He could only smile in response. 

 

“You are a very dangerous woman, Y/n.” 

 

“Yes, very much so; this seems to please you.” 

 

“It’s because you are a good girl.” He saw your eyelids flutter shut and felt your fingers curl tighter into his clothes. He kept an arm wrapped about you while you nuzzled his ribcage and while he continued to cook. “May I read you tonight?” You nodded, sighing as you felt him in your mind, searching. It was like a safe haven within a safe haven. He would always go to the same place, where it was the two of you, real memories and little fantasies you had thought about whilst you were listening to General Hux prattle on about something. 

 

He re-stumbled upon a memory that was recent, but he had been upset that he had almost hurt you and forgotten about it. Your surprise. He left your mind and eyed you instead. 

 

“Oh, you’re right. We both forgot. That’s alright I keep putting it in my pocket every morning.” He rose a brow at you, his thumb swiping lazily across your lower back. It was something you had found when going through some of your old files, studying your past movements to improve your current ones. You found a data chip that you then played on your hologram projector and found something that you had thought was long gone. You handed Kylo Ren the chip and smiled. He eyed the item curiously for a moment before pulling a datapad from his kitchen drawer. He placed the chip in and kept you in place by his side as the clip played. It was from your days as a professional fighter, or rather a hired fighter.

 

You had been a popular one in the underground, famous for never losing and here he watched with you one of your old matches in which the crowd was screaming, but you and your wild hair were easily seen as you beat your opponent within three minutes. Two and half of the match had been you laughing and mocking your opponent. He smirked at what he was watching. 

 

“Y/n, do you think you could ever be beaten, by anyone? And if you could, by who?” A nervous interviewer stood in front of you and you rose your brows at him, pulling him closer and grinning at him. 

 

“I don’t think so…” You had paused and your eyes lit up in admiration. “Actually, I do think there is one person who could.” You had said it almost in a daze. 

 

“Who?”

 

“Kylo Ren, the Commander of the First Order. I believe if anyone could, it would be him.” You smiled softly into the camera, blush rising prettily to your cheeks as the clip ended. Kylo set the tablet down wordlessly onto the countertop. He wrapped his other arm around you and refused to break eye-contact with you. 

 

“You really meant it.”

 

“I did, and I was right.” His brows furrowed together briefly, urging you to further explain. “Fighting was my life. Now fighting for you is my life. I am yours, you have won.” He lifted you from the ground, his hands taking refuge on where your thighs met your bottom. You used his forearms as thigh rests as he held you, his stare so intense. 

 

“Say it again.” His breathing had deepened, his heart racing in his chest.

 

“I am yours.” His forehead came to rest on yours, his hands kneading you. 

 

“Say it again.”

 

“I am yours, Kylo Ren.” He pressed a shaky kiss to the corner of your mouth. 

 

“I need you closer and I need you to say it again.” You wrapped your arms around his neck, one of your hands gently rubbed his back while the other held the back of his head, your front fully flushed against him. 

 

“I only belong to you, Kylo Ren.” He let out a shuddering breath. 

 

“Please.” It was a whisper. “Say it… say what I am not allowed to.” You smiled against his lips as you kissed him, pulling away to murmur hotly against his skin.

 

“I love you.” You were suddenly backed into a wall, where his mouth was ravaging yours, with his hips firmly pinning you in place you felt a hand skitter up your side and trace your curves, as his tongue continued to numb you into a haze. His fingertips drifted to the buckle of your pants, he tugged in question, ripping it from your body when he felt you nod. He was tearing your clothes off of you, in a mad frenzy. 

 

He needed to see your skin, he needed to see who was his, every single part of her, just as he would bare himself to you. It was exhilarating, the ferocity of his need to see your nude form. His hands were everywhere when all your clothes were gone. They were groping and rolling at your heavy breasts, his fingers tweaking at your nipples, his mouth was getting lost on you, kissing you everywhere. He was in a frenzy. At your admission, his serenity had turned into boiling passion, almost everything he held back, was coming forward. 

 

You heard a cry in the back of his mind, for him to calm down, he ignored it. You, in your pleasure induced haze, placed your hands gently on his shoulders. At the feeling of your gentle warm hands on his back, he felt slowed. As you moved your hands to tangle in his hair, forcing him to look up at you, you saw his eyes widen slightly, terrified of his reaction to what you said. 

 

Your gentle smile, was ever present. 

 

“Come with me.” You held out your hand, your fingers tangling with his as you led him to his bedchambers. He had flicked his wrist, turning everything in the kitchen off, and locking his door, placing three bypass codes into place, of which he only informed Phasma. The General would not ruin this moment. 

 

You led him to the edge of his bed. “Can I undress you, Kylo?”

 

“Please.” His breath was still ragged, his eyes having difficulty focusing on one spot of you as he was trying to memorize all of you. 

 

“We have time, there is no need to rush.” You placed a placating hand on his chest, your fingers drifting down his front. He felt every nerve in his body jumping at your touch. Your fingertips ghosted across the hem of his shirt and he could feel every fiber brushing against his skin as you pushed the article up to his shoulders, you too short to fully remove it. He pulled it off his arms, dropping it to the floor, finally enraptured by your eyes. There was a different fire burning there now, he was taken. You were beautiful. Your hands roamed over his chest, as if this was the first time you had truly touched him. As your hands continued traveling and teasing down, he could only feel anticipation. You tugged at his belt, question in your bright eyes.

 

“Yes, please.” You smiled and pressed a kiss over his heart which nearly made his skin burn. You carefully pulled the article from the loops and dropped it. Your hands grazed over his thighs before brushing up against him, it was the slightest touch, but it had him aching to be inside you. You pulled on his too tight pants, happy when they flew down to his ankles. You knew he had used the force, and it made you smirk. 

 

You eyed just how hard he was for you. You bit your bottom lip, your stomach getting impossibly warm from just listening to how hard he was panting for you, to how much he wanted to be inside you. You were pulsing, aching to have him inside you. You slipped your hands back up his chest. “Kiss me.” And he did. He picked you up once more, his fingertips brushing against the parts of you he needed to be inside of. His mouth covered your own, his teeth lovingly biting your bottom lip, before soothing the ache by gently sucking on it. Your thighs were growing hotter and hotter. “Down.” He never wanted to put you down, but he did. You laid yourself down on the bed, stretching out before him. 

 

He just stared at you. His eyes were taking in how powerful your body was. You were not a lithe woman, you were not billowy. You were short, curvy and so very powerful. Your legs, even with your height, were long and shapely. Your thighs were strong and they led into beautifully wide hips. Your narrowed waist was so dramatic compared to the breadth of your hips. He let out a groan at the sight of your nipples hardening and he couldn’t breathe as he looked at your beautifully flushed face. 

 

Where was he supposed to begin with you? 

 

“Commander, I need you to be inside me now.” He just then noticed the rise and fall of your chest, the way your body was glowing with want. He let out another shuddering breath and removed his silk shorts. You let out the most guttural moan at the sight of him and it had you both dripping onto his sheets. 

 

“Y/n L/n. I am yours.” He whispered it so low, but you heard it so loud. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, rutting yourself against him. 

 

“I need you.” It was the break in your voice that got him. He gently held your chin in his hand, keeping eye contact with you as he dipped inside you, to feel how wet you were. You were wet for him. He wanted to hear you say it. 

 

“I need to listen to your voice.” You nodded, you knew what he wanted. 

 

“Kylo, please, I’m dripping for you, please.” He saw tears gathering in the corner of your eyes, a soft smile on his lips as he claimed your own, and he thrust into you. Your mouth dropped into an ‘o’ your eyes rolling to the back of your head at how… full you felt. “Please, I need more.” Kylo groaned, pulling almost all the way from you before slamming himself back into you. You let out the most lovely cry he had ever heard. “Please, I need you faster. The only name I want to remember is yours.” His head fell to your shoulder, his lips caressing you as his hips started moving in and out of you like a piston. 

 

Your hands drifted to his hair, where you forced him to look at you, your eyes were having trouble focusing, your body was on fire but you needed him to know it was him that was pleasing you so deeply. “Kylo Ren, I belong to you.” It came out of you in shudders that reaped up your spine. His hips snapped so hard into your own, you felt the shockwaves in your throat. You blinked away tears, as he did it again. This pleasure was so consuming, every time his pubic bone would rub so harshly against your clit, it was almost too much and it was perfect. You groaned as he continued to make shockwaves pulse through your body, his eyes locked on yours. 

 

“I only want you.” Your hand cupped his cheek, but he felt his heart squeeze in his chest. 

 

“You have me.” It was a rasp, low and dark and what you needed to have you pulled over the edge and into the abyss. He felt your wet heat throbbing around him, pulling him in deeper. You were forcing him to cum with you. He suddenly felt all you felt, like your nerves were on fire and that all your muscles were relaxing and tensing all at the same time. You saw each other through one another’s eyes, and finally understood why the pull had been there since the beginning. 

 

Kylo remained inside you, wrapping an arm around your waist and turning you both onto your side. You were panting so hard against him, and he was still reeling in the aftershocks of orgasm. He pressed his lips to your hair, the scent of you flooding his senses. When both of your hearts finally stopped racing, Kylo looked down at you, gentle smile on his lips. He lowered his head and whispered, “Good girl.” You sighed, your head falling onto his shoulder so you could bury it in his neck. 

 

“Thank you, Master Ren.” The velvet tone you had in your voice when you said it, made him shudder, pulling you tighter against him. “Commander, I’m hungry.” you muttered. He smiled into your hair, grinning when you looked up to see what he was doing with the force. He was bringing in all the things that he had turned off before you both were far too gone to care what happened to the food. 

 

You sighed happily none the less when a spoon came to be in your hand. Your eyes were filled with adoration as you looked at him.

 

“Eat.” he muttered, his smile lost around his spoon. 

 

“Yes, sir.” You smiled, hiding your eyes with your hand as you started eating from his plate with him. You felt your hand being moved and allowed it to fall. He was narrowing his eyes at you, with that smile on his face. You pushed the plate down his torso and kissed his chest. You rubbed your leg against his, feeling how flushed your face was becoming again. You trailed your hand down his torso and watched as food once more was pushed aside and placed carefully on the floor. His arm wrapped around you pulled you on top of him. 

 

Your hair had always been wild, it’s curls long and thick, but with the tossing you had just been through, your hair was just… you looked like a goddess. Your curls were falling down your back and framing your face, and your hips were rolling against his. 

 

Kylo Ren was mesmerized with how your body was moving atop his, that feeling of heat flooding his senses again. Then he looked at you, compared to the hardness between his thighs and thought very well you might be unable to walk in the next few days. You lifted yourself up and plunged down onto him, he watched in almost morbid fascination with how he disappeared within you and with how your neck was straining. 

 

He grabbed your hips and your hands fell on top of his, allowing him to guide your movements. His thighs were supporting the backs of yours as you rode him. You were going into a frenzy like he had before. But he wanted to see. You lost your balance, your hands coming to balance yourself on his chest, and your movements changing from bouncing on top of him, to truly riding him, like he was a beast. Your eyes were wild and your mouth was open, cries falling out, broken pleas. He moved his hand down to where your bodies were joined and pressed his fingers up against your clit, letting out a groan himself with how you immediately started to pulse around him, pulling him in deeper. You were rearing yourself back onto him and it was absolutely incredible to see you lose control. When the final ripples of your orgasm came up through your spine, Kylo allowed himself to release inside of you. You fell onto his chest as you tiredly rode out the remainder of his orgasm. He removed his arm from between your bodies and wrapped it securely around your waist. You both faded into a blissful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I headcannon Kylo as a very stoic person, one who hides a lot of emotion, obviously, so when it finally comes rushing forward, there is no hiding it. I also don't see him as particularly angry, I mean, only when things go wrong or people disrespect him. In the movie he was aggressive more towards things than he was towards people, only because they weren't up front with him, they stuttered through reports, Mitaka, when they should have been upfront. So this is how I headcannon him, if you don't like it, that's fine, but this is how I see him, just a quiet man who's far more introspective than others.


	6. A Change in Title

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally accept a long waited promotion, and some are thrilled, while others are less than.

Kylo had been up for the past thirty minutes, but he couldn’t find it in him to move. You were resting your head on his upper arm, your breath puffing against his chest. He had been staring in silence since he decided to not disturb you. He saw you as the same powerful woman he always saw you as, but now somehow, it was all so much deeper. It was only a few minutes later he felt your breathing change and the barely there feeling of your lashes fluttering open. You opened your eyes before smiling and shutting them again, stretching yourself over the man. He rose a brow in amusement as you once more opened your eyes, them eyeing the forgotten food on the floor before regarding him with a smirk. 

 

“I’m sore.” you announced, sounding immensely pleased. “I like this feeling. I’m going to be feeling you all day, right between my thighs.” Your velvet voice was a bit more graveled that morning and your eyes were already burning. He raised his hand to cup your cheek, your sultry look vanished into one of adoration. 

 

“Can you walk?” His thumb was stroking across your cheek thoughtfully, hoping you wouldn’t bring too much attention to yourself. 

 

“Let’s find out.” He nodded and watched as you slowly sat up and stretched, then finally you stood onto your wobbly legs. You turned looking victorious, smirking at him. But his eyes were glued to the marks on your skin, the purple bruises on your thighs and your mound from him slamming himself into you. You eyed them with a great grin. “They’re beautiful.” You were breathless. “I want to see them in a mirror, I’ll be back.” You had missed the feeling of horror flooding through him at the sight, but you were taken by them. He stood and entered the refresher, only to see you still grinning at the marks on your body. “My god I have beautiful galaxies gifted to me by my lover on where my essence as a woman lies. Kylo, they’re beautiful, thank you.” He was confused as you folded yourself into his arms, kissing his chest. He then dipped into your mind, looking for your logic and found something more beautiful. 

 

The bruises on your body would last for a few weeks, reminding you of the beautiful first tryst you had with the man you loved. 

 

“You really do love them.” You nodded enthusiastically as you pulled him into the shower, ready to make those bruises last forever; he however was being much gentler with you, only prolonging your pleasure. 

 

When you both exited, you followed him into his closet. “What are you doing?” He watched as you glared at his robes, all identical to each other. 

 

“My clothes are torn to shreds, I get to wear yours today.” He rolled his eyes but watched, incredibly amused as you placed his clothes on your body. The pants were way too long on you, the shirts loose and the cape… you looked like a child. “You better keep laughing inside your head, because I’m not kidding about wearing these, even though I look ridiculous and Hux is probably going to try and write me up for it. This is your fault.” With that you shoved on your boots, which thankfully fit and stormed out of his rooms. 

 

~

 

As you were in the middle of drills with your elites, one of the doors to the training area slammed open. You felt the aura of Hux drawing ever closer to you. Your elites eyed you briefly in worry before you fixed them with a stare that would murder the dead. The lot of them began running faster. 

 

“Sergeant Major L/n.” He was trying so hard. 

 

“Yes, General Hux?” You turned coolly to him, turning your neck so you would be making eye contact with the man. He paused at how icy your stare was, threatening him to say anything. 

 

“Why aren’t you wearing the proper uniform for your standing?” Before you could utter a word, both doors to the training area slammed opening, the sound reverberating along the walls as you felt Kylo Ren draw closer to you. 

 

“General Hux, you are not to bother the Sergeant Major while she is training her elites.” His voice was colder than normal, egging Hux on to say something. Hux ground his jaw, trying to word his phrase carefully, knowing if he didn’t something humiliating would happen.

 

“My duty is to see to order, due to the Sergeant Major wearing an unorthodox uniform, it is my duty to find out the reason and deem it reasonable to report or not.” He was so livid, you held back your grin, just to make it easier on him. 

 

“You would report it to me and I don’t care.” The General had a vein in his forehead that was throbbing. 

 

“I’ll report it to Supreme Leader Snoke.” The General wanted to recoil with how fast your grin took over. 

 

“Soldiers!” you voice rang out, powerful and absolutely dripping with authority. 

 

“Yes, Sergeant Major L/n!”

 

“You will continue your drills in the next training area, if others are distracting you, you aren’t focusing. I will know, and those unfocused will be punished by my hand. Now go.” Your voice was calm, the calm before the shit storm that was about to slap General Hux across the face. 

 

“Yes, Sergeant Major L/n!” They left in two lines, perfectly lined up and in no hurry, just as you trained them. When the last one was out of sight, you reeled on General Hux.

 

“How dare you try to pull rank in front of my elites! You know exactly what happened with my uniform. As for Supreme Leader Snoke, you think he doesn’t already know? I have private meetings with the Supreme Leader every other week for honest status reports on this base. I have permission from the Supreme Leader to fuck whoever I want Hux, and he knows that it’s Kylo Ren. You want to play with fire, let’s go.” He saw your hands twitch, it was the only visible sign of your anger other than that poisonous voice. His eye twitched and he tried to glare at you with his own fury, but it paled to yours. When he left, your anger remained. 

 

Kylo reveled in your anger, it was blossoming. He dipped into your mind and let out a laugh. You were planning on finally accepting that promotion from Snoke. He watched in amusement as you left, marching straight toward the meeting room. You barged in, leaving both the General and the Commander in your wake. 

 

“What is she doing?”

 

“She’s finally accepting the promotion Supreme Leader has been offering her for the last year.”

 

“…Shit.”

 

~

 

“Supreme Leader, it’s wonderful to see you again.” Oh no, who had the balls to piss you off this early in the morning, thought Snoke. He would never admit to anyone, but you were probably the most terrifying person in the First Order though you were also arguably the sweetest, the ultimate answer to balance, perfect for the Commander.

 

“Sergeant Major L/n, It’s nice to see you again as well.” He nodded in respect towards you, you doing the same to him. 

 

“How are my soldier’s doing?” You saw a smirk of pride cross his face before it fell. 

 

“Quite well, how’s the new batch?”

 

“About to hatch, Supreme Leader.” You once again nodded in a mock bow. 

 

“Excellent. And the progress of Starkiller?”

 

“The technicians are still working tirelessly in order to ready the weapon so it will assist in bringing balance, Leader Snoke. Though I hear from varying sources that it will soon be ready.” He nodded, pleased with your report. General Hux was always official in his reports, but you got down to business, something he had always admired in you. 

 

“You are doing quite well, Sergeant Major. I wonder if you would finally accept your promotion to Admiral.” He eyed you, finally looking and seeing your clothes. Oh it was clicking in his head. General Hux had pissed you off. You were ready to accept. His power couple was finally going to crush those damn rebel bastards. 

 

“I accept, Supreme Leader Snoke, It would be an honor to continue to move up along your ranks.” You got down to one knee, your eyes shining brightly.

 

“Perfect. Now then business aside, what’s happening aboard?” What no one really knew, was that Snoke was a complete gossip whore. 

 

“Did I tell you that Kylo almost murdered a lieutenant?” Snoke leaned forward. “The man had made a terrible joke, about me and my allegedly active sex life. He destroyed the room and made the lieutenant repeat the joke to me.” Snoke was smirking. 

 

“What did you do?”

 

“Told him my real bodily credentials and all the ways I could kill him. He was much funnier after that.” Snoke let out a single huff, you knowing that you had truly made him laugh. 

 

“Admiral, bring in the General and the Commander.” Snoke allowed himself one smile; his one true pair had finally gotten together, enough for it to piss off the General and for you to accept your rightful place at the Commander’s side. The three of you came in, you in the middle, not even trying to suppress your smirk. You were too powerful to contain. 

 

“General, Admiral L/n will now be Commander Ren’s second in command, she will handle more of the battle strategies that you seem to be inefficient with while continuing to also train her elite soldiers.” The General almost looked defeated. 

 

“Commander Ren, a transfer of rooms will be in order for the Admiral, move her wherever she feels she will work most efficiently.” 

 

“Yes, Supreme Leader Snoke.” He could feel the smug radiating off of him, but couldn’t hear it, which was good enough, you were rubbing off on him already, now if only your force awareness would rise. 

 

“That is all.” And he was gone, he called in his elites and let them know the good news. They had all been waiting patiently for you and Ren to get together. It was a dream come true, a blood soaked, murderous, people crushing, dream come true.

 

~

 

Since there hadn’t been an Admiral before you in some time, you had to sit down with a uniform designer. You hadn’t even known the First Order had someone who worked under that title, which only made you think that the Commander had to do so, the image of it brought a smile to your face. “What color do you want Command-.” “Black. Just black.”

 

“What colors do you want to work with, Admiral L/n?” The woman before you was sweet looking, she didn’t look to be afraid of you, but you could feel it pumping through her. 

 

“Shades of black and the darkest brown leather we have.” She nodded and quickly took note of your words. You tilted your head to the side at the sweat that was gathering on her forehead. “You have no reason to be scared. You can calm yourself, it’s quite alright.” You took to resting your head in your hand with a gentle smile. You felt a bit of her fear and apprehension leave her, while disappointment took over. Her head bowed.

 

“Yes, Admiral L/n.” 

 

“Would you mind giving me your pen, dear?” She shook her head and slipped you her notepad and her pen. As you sketched out your plans for your uniform, you slowly felt calm wash over her. When she looked up at you she had a confused look on her face. “When anyone sits in a room long enough with me it happens. I’ve been told my soul is at balance, there’s nothing to fear.” She nodded in understanding and looked over your sketch.

 

“Is this allowed?”

 

“It is now, I’ll be a standard issue Admiral.” The General was going to be pissed, but you were pleased with yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SORRY HAPPY NEW YEAR


	7. Some Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You invite Matt, the radar technician, into your rooms.

You had made sure that there were plenty of extra uniforms, you were planning on stuffing them in Kylo Ren’s closet. This was all his fault anyway, though you did feel pleased. You were finally above that damn General. As you strode through the halls of the Star Killer, there were looks of admiration and fear, several of the stormtroopers seemed a bit more interested in you than usual.

 

You punched in the codes to the newest battle tactic and command center, only to hear shouting. Kylo Ren was five seconds from pulling his lightsaber on the General. You rose a brow and felt the air change around you as you entered, eyes were no longer on the fight, they were on you. The General’s eyes flicked to you while he was in the midst of rolling them and his words were swallowed. 

 

Kylo froze when he finally realized you were in the room with them. He slowly turned and you felt really proud of yourself. Your new uniform allowed for much more movement, meaning you would be faster and more efficient in battle. 

 

He had never really had to exploit his self-control in front of you, but now he was. Your colors were standard, but that was it. You were wearing a short dress, with a triangular cut out in the center of your chest. You had over it a deep black, cropped jacket with fingerless gloves in dark brown leather over your sleeves. Sheer leggings covered your thighs while your usual dark brown boots clung to your calves. A simple utility belt was around your hips with several of the more advanced weaponry in the larger pockets, and a blaster hanging low off your hip. The emblem of the First Order was in the center on a rosy colored metal. The only part he saw of you that showed your standing was the embroidered red stripes over your upper arm. 

 

However, the most fascinating part of your uniform, was that same rosy colored metal, in a collar around your neck. He couldn’t say it, but you heard the words projected into your mind, “Good girl.” You felt a hand on your lower back, knowing that no one was behind you, you knew it was Kylo Ren. You suppressed your natural urges to nuzzle into the man’s neck and simply stepped forward. 

 

“My Lord Ren, General Hux, please do continue on.” You came to stand as close as you would allow yourself to the Commander. 

 

“Congratulations on your promotion, Admiral L/n.” It was monotone, but you could feel how pleased he was with you. 

 

“Thank you, Commander.” You gave a slight bow. You could feel anger washing over you coming from the direction of General Hux.

 

“Yes, congratulations, Admiral L/n.” 

 

“Thank you, General Hux. Shall we get down to business then?”

 

“Of course, allow me to update you on the situation.” As the General started speaking about what updates they’ve gotten from their own spies in the Resistance, you felt a hand on your lower back, like you had before, but now it was roaming over the back of your thighs. The only change the Commander could see in you was your thumbs rubbing the edge of the console.

 

“General, have we tried sending in some of our people to the local undergrounds of some of these planets?” 

 

“Not really, why do you ask?”

 

“We can buy and sell information about the resistance. Trader’s and buyers of all sorts exist, General Hux. It would be also beneficial if we had some of our people just remain stationed in these… dives if you will.” You pulled your hand up, a hologram of the nearest systems pulling up with your movements. You touched several neighboring planets, writing out the locations of where you knew these areas to be.

 

“How do you know this information?” Hux narrowed his eyes. You rose a brow. 

 

“I was an underground fighter for ten years. Isn’t this in my file?”

 

“No one is to read your file. The only people given clearance to read it are the Commander and Supreme Leader.” You visibly looked taken aback before you smirked. Oh, Snoke, you ultimate fan boy. 

 

“I see. Anything else, General?”

 

“Yes, isn’t it foolish to have a target on your chest?” You let out a sharp laugh, the room stilled. 

 

“I don’t know, General Hux, try attacking me and see what happens.” You hadn’t fought him in a while, perhaps he had improved. You were barely surprised when he aimed his blaster at your heart. 

 

“Are you positive?” He seemed smug.

 

“Absolutely.” Just as his finger was about to pull the trigger, you seized his wrist and sharply pulled him around, pinning him to the command console with his wrist pushing into the center of his shoulder blades and your knee pressed tightly into his lower back, his other arm held tightly in your other hand. The only thing holding him there was your knee. You felt shame and anger radiating through the man. “It’s far easier to disarm your opponent when they’re aiming for your center, General.” You released his arms allowing him to gain his footing before you removed your knee from him. 

 

While people were looking at the General with varying looks of sympathy, you felt a real hand brush against your lower back, and those words echoing once more in your head, “Good girl.”

 

~

 

Your transfer into Kylo’s room hadn’t been completed yet. Thus you were in your quarters when you heard a racket outside your door. You opened it to see a snowtrooper kicking Matt, the radar technician’s tool box away.   
You heard him mutter, “Jerk face” under his breath, before getting up to retrieve it. The sight broke your heart. 

 

“Snowtrooper!” He turned about face, his hand on his forehead in salute. 

 

“Admiral L/n!”

 

“Was it in your orders to kick Matt’s toolbox away from him when he’s fixing something in my halls?”

 

“No, Admiral, Ma’am.” 

 

“I see, apologize.”

 

“I’m sorry, Admiral L/n, for disobeying orders.”

 

“Not to me, trooper.” you rolled your eyes, this one was definitely not trained by Phasma. 

 

“I’m sorry, Matt.” 

 

“Get out of my sight.” He ran. That was a first from a trooper, it made you smile. You knelt by the blond. “Are you alright, Matt?” You gently placed your hand on his shoulder.

 

“Yes, Admiral L/n.” You saw his small smile, though he was focused on rewiring the circuit board in his hands. 

 

“After you’re done, would you join me for some tea?” He paused, looking around the hall, seeing only a few other’s there, watching in interest as the Admiral took interest in him. Everyone knew he didn’t like being touched, even as Matt. He supposed that everyone would be stupid if they didn’t accept your touch, in whatever form it came. Though he desperately wanted lean his head over and mouth your neck. “Matt?” His eyes wandered up to you.

 

“Congratulations on your promotion!” he had more or less shouted at you, though you knew he didn’t realize it. Being around others made him nervous when he was in disguise.

 

“Thank you, Matt. Just knock.” You stood and made your way down the hall, needing to discuss something with Phasma when you heard Matt asking people what they thought of the Admiral. You chuckled lightly to yourself as you went about the halls. 

 

-

 

When you returned, Matt was nervously knocking on your door. “Matt, perfect timing.” You quickly punched in your numbers and entered, Matt following you. As you put your kettle on your stove, you felt his arms wrap around you. You knew he had work scheduled after this as Matt, so you couldn’t remove his wig, but you could run your hands over his chest and hold him tight to you. You turned in his hold to do just that. One of his hands tangled into your hair while the other wrapped around your waist. You felt fingertips at the back of your neck rubbing at where the rose gold collar was clasped.

 

“Good girl.” he muttered, your eyes got heavy as you leaned him back into the counter. Your fingers curled into the fabric of his uniform. He dipped down to wrap an arm around the backs of your thighs, pulling you up, your legs immediately wrapped themselves around him. Your arms wrapped around his neck as he watched you blink lazily. His free hand started stroking the collar. His other arm returned to your waist as you touched your forehead to his neck. “My good girl.” The audible moan that left your lips made him smile into your hair. 

 

Your kettle began to whistle. When you tried to detangle yourself from him he stopped you. “No.” You settled back against him. He stood straight, one arm supporting the entirety of your weight on him while the other calmly poured you both mugs of tea. He grabbed them both by the handles, gracefully balancing and walking you both to the couch. He set the mugs down and sat with you still wrapped around him. A hand settled on your lower back, his fingers gently stroking against you. “The General was very jealous today.” He felt a bit of confusion ripple in your mind.

 

“I thought he was angry.”

 

“Anger is how his jealousy reads, his thoughts were very loud.” You nudged him to go on with your nose to his cheek. “He has always admired your raw and restrained power. When he found out about you and I, he got jealous. Your uniform today nearly tipped him over the edge. Especially your collar.” 

 

“But I’m yours.”

 

“I know, and he hates it.”

 

“That’s unprofessional, allowing his feelings to cloud his job performance.” That was one thing you didn’t tolerate. While you were in your rooms, or his, anything went. When you were training your elites or yourself, no personal feelings got in the way unless someone was disrespecting you or one of your superiors. 

 

“I agree.” Simply being in your presence brought him peace. 

 

“I think you know how badly Supreme Leader wanted us together. He’d been hinting at it for years, it wasn’t until our fight that I felt brave enough to finally act on my wants… then you became a need.” He listened intently on what you said. He had already known of course, he had been in your mind so many times, but it was always different hearing you voice your thoughts. 

 

He decided to do something he had never done. He placed both of his hands on your temples and closed his eyes. You tilted your head to the side before you felt a rush of anger and sadness that didn’t belong to you, memories flooding your head that weren’t yours, but Kylo’s. You felt an aching sadness that couldn’t be helped. Mindless killing for Snoke, for training, for him. A pike of loneliness drove through you at the sight of a uniformed couple walking through the hall. Images of your face flashed in your head, in the thick of training, some battles you had fought at his side. Then a very specific memory began.

 

It was as if you were Kylo Ren, watching yourself fight that fool on battle axe day. He tried so hard to suppress his urge to fight with you. You were entirely too graceful for how dangerous you were. The rush of being near you and finally the peace that filled him as he remained in your presence. He had to leave before he did something else foolish. Images of you were all you could see, emotions of calm and adoration, affection, a bright burning in your chest. When he released his hold on you he saw tears gathered in the corner of your eyes and you were panting. 

 

“I’m so sorry that you ever felt alone.” He had never seen you look so sad. You were holding him so tight, he thought you were trying to melt into him, so he would never be without you. 

 

“I’m not.” You felt his emotions pulsing through you, warmth spreading in your veins. The words he was not allowed to say to you. 

 

“I love you.” You pressed your lips to his, giving into him. He was flooding all his emotions for you, into you. It was maddening for you, feeling this depth. You felt heavy with everything, feeling so much. When he pulled away from you, your head fell to his shoulder, unable to support the weight of your head. “I feel so full.”

 

“Exactly.” Those arms were anchoring you to the world, the gentle thud of his heart pressing against your shoulder calming your own speeding one. He knew what was happening to you, the first time he had looked into your mind, searching for if you were the spy, had been similar. The rush of having all your emotions for him flooding into him, he had held himself back from feeling the entirety of it, though you rarely held back and you certainly hadn’t here. 

 

“Matt?”

 

“Yes, Admiral?”

 

“Tell Kylo Ren, I feel the same.”

 

“Yes, Admiral.”

 

You both had work to get back to, but the both of you allowed for one more moment to be together.

 

The tea was untouched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind reviews, i hope you all had a great new year and that you enjoy the update!


End file.
